Shawna – On My Weigh – Is This Worth It?
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I’m not even sure what to talk about this week. I’ve crawled under some kind of emotional rock and can’t seem to get myself back out. I do my one work out a week with my personal trainer and I do 1 or 2 cardio workouts at home. Sometimes on my treadmill. Sometimes I run outside in my neighbourhood. There is a loop I like to run that equals approximately 2 km. Maybe a bit less. I just don’t understand it. Because I was going so strong between January and May. I wish I could make other people understand that I’m not making these excuses just for the fun of it. I truly do feel like my head is just in some weird place right now. I feel the way I did way back when my depression was at a low. And while I haven’t hit that horrible bottom that I reached back then, I just feel…well like I’ve lost my mojo.
I made a comment to my trainer the other day that it did truly feel good to be at the gym. I even showed up with a migraine that I had woken up with instead of cancelling on him. So it’s not like I WANT to slack (for lack of a better word). This isn’t an easy journey for me. I have a lot of emotional struggles I deal with on a daily basis. And yes, my workouts suffer. I guess I’m that “all or nothing” person. I don’t drag my ass to the gym because I would rather go home than have a mediocre workout. I know. I know. Shawna you’re falling back into your old self where you made excuses. And while I do know this, I still don’t do anything to stop the cycle.
My next triathlon is August 12. And while I know it’s my own fault that I’m not at the mini goal we set for me, I still am 20 pounds lighter than I was last year. That’s still gotta count for something, no?
And I know I can’t be the only person in this world who has had depression and couldn’t find the motivation to do what she knows needs to be done. And I know that working out is suppose to help with depression…according to stuff I read. I know all of this. It’s just getting my ass into gear. How badly do I want to lose this weight and be healthy? I just have to keep asking myself this question to hopefully remotivate me.
I apologize to everyone who is likely looking forward to happy, successful blogs. I feel like I’ve not only let myself down, but that I’ve also let you all down with my last few blogs. And I’m hoping that by continuing this blog, it’ll help me get back into it…because next blog in two weeks I really don’t want to talk about more failures again. So yes, I’ll keep at this blog in the hopes that my emotional mind will kick my ass into gear by reminding myself that I have others who I now have to report to.
Thank you for having patience with me while I work through some crap. And thank you for continuing to read my blogs. It does mean a lot to me.
Until next time…I’ll keep you all inside my head as my cheerleaders 🙂 And if anyone has any advice or kind words on how the heck to get over this emotional bump, please feel free to share!